| JEWISH MOTHER
The year is 2020 and the United States has elected the first woman as well as the first Jewish president, Susan Goldstein. She calls up her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says, “So, Mom, I assume you’ll be coming to my inauguration?”
“Don’t worry about it, Mom, I’ll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door.”
“I don’t know. Everybody will be so fancy-schmantzy; what on earth would I wear?
“Honey,” Mom complains, “you know I can’t eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.”
The President-to-be responds, “Don’t worry Mom. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York; kosher all the way. Mom, I really want you to come.”
So Mom reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2021, Susan Goldstein is being sworn in as President of the United States. In the front row sits the new President’s mother who leans over to a Senator sitting next to her and says, “You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States?”
Giuseppe excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love, and that he is going to get married.
Mama says immediately, “The one on the right.”
“That’s amazing, Mama. You’re right, but how did you know?”
An Irishman tells a friend about the time he took his son out his first drink:
“I got him a Guinness Stout, but he didn’t like it – so I drank it.”
“Then I got him an Old Style. He didn’t like it either, so I drank that, too.”
“It was the same with even the Coors and the Bud, and by the time we got
down to the Irish whiskey, I was so tipsy…”