Jewish, Italian and Irish Parents


 

     JEWISH  MOTHER  

The year is 2020 and the United States has elected the first woman as well as the first Jewish president, Susan Goldstein.        She calls up her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says, “So, Mom, I assume you’ll be coming to my inauguration?”
“I don’t think so.  It’s a ten-hour drive, your father isn’t as young as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.”

“Don’t worry about it, Mom, I’ll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home.  And a limousine will pick you up at your  door.”

“I don’t know.  Everybody will be so fancy-schmantzy; what on earth would I wear?
Susan replies, “I’ll make sure you have a wonderful gown, custom-made by the best designer in New York.”

“Honey,” Mom complains, “you know I can’t eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.”

The President-to-be responds, “Don’t worry Mom.  The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York; kosher all the way. Mom, I really want you to come.”

So Mom reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2021, Susan Goldstein is being sworn in as President of the United States.  In the front row sits the new President’s mother who leans over to a Senator sitting next to her and says, “You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States?”
The Senator whispers back, “Yes, I do.”
Mom says proudly, “Her brother is a doctor.”
  ITALIAN  MOTHER

Giuseppe excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love, and that he is going to get married.
He says, “Just for fun, Mama, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”  The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house, sits them down on the couch, and they chat with Mama for a while.
He then says, “Okay, Mama, guess which one am I going to marry?”

Mama says immediately, “The one on the right.”

“That’s amazing, Mama. You’re right, but how did you know?”
Mama replies:  “I don’t like her.”
IRISH FATHER 

An Irishman tells a friend about the time he took his son out his first drink:
“Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.”

“I got him a Guinness Stout, but he didn’t like it – so I drank it.”

“Then I got him an Old Style.  He didn’t like it either, so I drank that, too.”

“It was the same with even the Coors and the Bud, and by the time we got

down to the Irish whiskey, I was so tipsy…”
“I could hardly push the stroller back home.”

 

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About Jim G.

I truely believe that what should matter most in life is how you see yourself, not how someone else tries to convince you to see yourself. *****Life is not about "finding yourself"*****its about creating yourself.!!!!! I write and post things here because I like to think I am contributing some things of value to my world. Some times a little humor, some times things with a more serious tone, but hopefully always in good taste. If what I post occasionally bites a politician in the ass, all the better :>)
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