Socially Unacceptable Humor


I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said, “You’re pulling my leg.”
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presume she was poor – she only had $1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists?
A wife says to her husband, “You’re always pushing me around and talking behind my back.” He says, “What do you expect? You’re in a wheel chair.”
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, “You’re obviously not listening.”
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.
At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa! Who knew?
One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans is not the correct answer either.
There’s a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I’ve been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.
A buddy of mine has just told me he’s getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said “How can you tell them apart?” He said “Her brother’s got a mustache.”
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, “I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled.” To which she replied, “No, it’s regular porn, you sick bastard.”
The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.
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About Jim G.

I truely believe that what should matter most in life is how you see yourself, not how someone else tries to convince you to see yourself. *****Life is not about "finding yourself"*****its about creating yourself.!!!!! I write and post things here because I like to think I am contributing some things of value to my world. Some times a little humor, some times things with a more serious tone, but hopefully always in good taste. If what I post occasionally bites a politician in the ass, all the better :>)
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One Response to Socially Unacceptable Humor

  1. perhaml@hughes.net says:

    Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House.

    The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, “How can I best serve my country?”

    Washington says, “Never tell a lie.” “Ouch!” says Hillary, “I don’t know about that.”

    The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears… Hillary says, “How can I best serve my country?”

    Jefferson says, “Listen to the people.” “Ohhh! I really don’t want to do that.”

    On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears…Hillary again says, How can I best serve my country?”
    Lincoln says, “Go to the theater.”

    Like

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