The History Of The World (Condensed Version)


For those that don’t know about world history … Here is a condensed version

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and
went to the coast or rivers and lived on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in history were the invention of beer
and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the
beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1 . Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of
agriculture.Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so
while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented,
they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while
they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the
Conservative movement…

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off
the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ’s and doing the sewing,
fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known
as girlie-men. Some note worthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the
concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the
jackass for obvious reasons.

Some modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white
wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well
done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.. Another
interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher
testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury
attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are
liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t
fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat
and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo
cowboys,lumberjacks,construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the
military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work
for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and
decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more
enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in
Europe when conservatives were coming to America .. They crept in after the
Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for
nothing.

Here ends today’s lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily
respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth
of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true
believers and to more liberals just to #$%$ them off.

And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self…..I’m
going to have another beer.

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About Jim G.

I truely believe that what should matter most in life is how you see yourself, not how someone else tries to convince you to see yourself. *****Life is not about "finding yourself"*****its about creating yourself.!!!!! I write and post things here because I like to think I am contributing some things of value to my world. Some times a little humor, some times things with a more serious tone, but hopefully always in good taste. If what I post occasionally bites a politician in the ass, all the better :>)
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