DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS


‘Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,’ the Divorce Court Judge said, ‘And I’ve decided to
give your wife $775 a week,’ ‘That’s very fair, your honor,’ the husband said. ‘And
every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.’
___________________________________________
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and
said, ‘I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.’ ‘Me neither doc,’ said the husband. ‘But she’s a great
cook and really good with the kids.’
___________________________________________
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last
40 years.
The Wizard says, ‘Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on
you.’
The old man says without  hesitation, ‘I now pronounce you man and wife.’
___________________________________________
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, ‘Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from San Francisco to
New York City ?’
The agent replies, ‘Just a minute.’
‘Thank you,’ the blonde says, and hangs up.
___________________________________________
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
‘How was he killed?’ asked one detective.
‘With a golf gun,’  the other detective replied.
‘A golf gun! What the heck is a golf gun?’
‘I don’t know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.’
___________________________________________
Moe: ‘My wife got me to believe in religion.’
Joe: ‘Really?’
Moe:  ‘Yeah. Until I married her I didn’t believe in Hell.’
___________________________________________
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
‘I’m O.K. But I didn’t like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,’ he answered.
‘What did he say,’ asked the nurse.
‘Oops!’
___________________________________________
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at
least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my
husband’s advice.
‘What do you think?’ I asked. ‘Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?’
‘Better get a bikini,’ he replied. ‘You’d never get it all in one.’
He’s still in intensive care.
___________________________________________
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a
tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance…
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, ‘Well, she’s there.’
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About Jim G.

I truely believe that what should matter most in life is how you see yourself, not how someone else tries to convince you to see yourself. *****Life is not about "finding yourself"*****its about creating yourself.!!!!! I write and post things here because I like to think I am contributing some things of value to my world. Some times a little humor, some times things with a more serious tone, but hopefully always in good taste. If what I post occasionally bites a politician in the ass, all the better :>)
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3 Responses to DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS

  1. ORPO1 says:

    Reblogged this on Among The Joshua Trees and commented:
    Funny for a Sunday!

    Like

  2. idiotprufs says:

    Finally, a fair judge.

    Like

  3. Very funny!! I needed a chuckle today. Thank you!

    Like

Comments are closed.