‘Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,’ the Divorce Court Judge said, ‘And I’ve decided to
give your wife $775 a week,’ ‘That’s very fair, your honor,’ the husband said. ‘And
every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.’
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and
said, ‘I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.’ ‘Me neither doc,’ said the husband. ‘But she’s a great
cook and really good with the kids.’
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last
The Wizard says, ‘Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on
The old man says without hesitation, ‘I now pronounce you man and wife.’
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, ‘Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from San Francisco to
New York City ?’
The agent replies, ‘Just a minute.’
‘Thank you,’ the blonde says, and hangs up.
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
‘How was he killed?’ asked one detective.
‘With a golf gun,’ the other detective replied.
‘A golf gun! What the heck is a golf gun?’
‘I don’t know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.’
Moe: ‘My wife got me to believe in religion.’
Moe: ‘Yeah. Until I married her I didn’t believe in Hell.’
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
‘I’m O.K. But I didn’t like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,’ he answered.
‘What did he say,’ asked the nurse.
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at
least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my
‘What do you think?’ I asked. ‘Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?’
‘Better get a bikini,’ he replied. ‘You’d never get it all in one.’
He’s still in intensive care.
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a
tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance…
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, ‘Well, she’s there.’